bfflduh

july 2008 was the last time i came on here. i knew i had to get out, and i obviously i found some way. looking back i don't know how i left this, as the help and the success on this is amazing. but hey, im back and ready to find the thin person i once was.
last year around this time, i was 121.. i'm now 133. i need help, a lot of it. i let go, im sorry. the big wide world isnt nice without this comfort of knowing what you have to acheive and aim for.

Name: Aimee

Age: 14

Height: 5'4"

Weight: 133

Lowest Weight: 121 - last year

Highest Weight: .. now

What weight do you want to weigh: i want to weigh 95, but atm ill make do with 115

What eating disorder do you have: ednos both



In Depth

How many calories do you eat in a day, on average: for the past year.. its gone up to 1200 and maybe more from binging so badly. i feel sick writing this.

Do you throw up your food on occasion: i used to everyday back then, but i recently started again once every two days

Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress? yes both, i go to dance/drama school. its a dream.

Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track: no, wish i did sports though. i dance everyday.

Has anyone ever teased you about your weight: yeah my brother whos 13, and my boyfriend (beyonce thighs) :/

Have you ever fasted? yes, ive gone without food 3 days max.

Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories: no, would like to try them though

Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses: yes, random photos are the best as you feel its possible.

Have you ever been hospitalized for your ED: no

Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting: never heard of it

Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder: yes i sort of did this past year, even though i thought about my intake every day.




Body Image Q's

Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?:  yes

What part of your body would you change: thighs, bum, stomach, face 

On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body: 1

Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body: yeah, i think my life would be much better if i was thiner.

Because of your body appearance/weight, have you become severely depressed: ive cried, given up but still continued.

Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses: no, whats the point. im never gonna get anywhere near them.




Health/Food

Do you think you eat healthy enough: ...

Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs: no, but i feel sick

Are you often tired/fatigued: tired yeah

Do you feel more energised after eating food: i feel like pure shit

Do you eat meat: yeah

Do you eat your food in a certain way: in little bits, if its a certain texture or way i feel sick.

Do people tell you you look sick or famished: no

Have you ever thrown up blood: no

Is your heart bpm above 49: no clue

Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating: after purging i do become faint, and sometimes sit down. thats all.

Me: Hey, mum does this look alright?
Mum: It makes you look bigger.
[I get on another dress]
Me: Now?
Mum: No, you look like a big girl who thinks shes smaller than she is.
[I get on another dress]
Me: What about this?
Mum: Do you have anything longer, your celluite is going to show.
[I take off the fucking dress and chuck it in her fucking face]
Mum: I'm only trying to help you darling.
[Im thinking: HELP ME, ARE YOU JOKING?]

I cant stand her. Please someone say there in the same position. 
What do I do next time? She's such a self centered little bitch.

Finally, resolutions:
1) Limit purging (had to put limit, it would be too hard to stop)
2) Make an amazing personal diary and keep it going
3) Stop wishing you could be somebody else
4) Do every dance class you attend to your full potential (I get better reports, and I burn more calories.. clever eh?)
5) Every £20 I get, put £5 of it away
6) Drink way more water
7) Try your fucking best in school work (GCSE's next year Aimee, you can do it)

110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121

"just imagine the hunger pangs are fat coming out of you"
I am imagining this, and a mighty lot of imaginary fat must be coming out.